50 times!

"Happy half a century!" Andrew said when the flight landed. Took me a few moments, but oh yes, that was my 50th crossing of that ocean.

3 feelings:
- Incredibly, overwhelmingly grateful - that I have been able to come back so often. That Andrew is willing to make it happen.
- Perplexed at how it all came to this!!! - I did consciously and deliberately choose to marry this handsome Aussie guy - of course! - but sometimes I am just baffled at the reality of it all. The very good reality. And also the very much harder-than-i-ever-realised reality. No regrets, just harder than my 21-year old self could have known.
- Tired. - Jetlag? Maybe. But I suspect I've lost days and weeks of my life in travel. Literally. And although the kids travel well, it still completely exhausts me.

But I'm here, and I know crossing that ocean is more than worth it. All 50 times. 

Because Grandparents are worth it.

And cousins are worth it too.

 Great-grandparents are so worth it.

And the sight of those 19 stockings is definitely worth it!

Too many goodbyes

I can hardly bear to post this. My grandpa died yesterday. All of my grandparents were alive in July, and now 3 of them have died and it's a bit much. There's some sadness settled in me right now. I want to say how glad I am that he didn't suffer from his disease any longer. I want to say its all okay. But I'm just sad. So goodbye to my card-playing, cigar-smoking, fun-loving, laughing-loud, always-feisty, wine-drinking, truly-loyal, and patient-to-the-end grandfather. Back in the day we would play cards till 3am, only going to bed cause Andrew and I were exhausted. I'll never play pinochle again without thinking of Grandma and Grandpa. It was a fun relationship we had with them both. I'm so sorry Grandma that you feel so lost without him, and I'm sorry Dad that you've lost your fun-loving Dad.

Yeah, I'll miss that smile, that's very you. 

19something

Okay Mom and Dad. Here's your sweet revenge, I guess. Or whatever this is called.

Daniel was telling me some cool fact about football, some major comeback a team had in the Grand Final one year.

Me: "What year was that?"
Daniel: "Oh, 19something."

Oh that's right. I used to think that 1949 and 1951 were an unfathomable number of years ago (sorry mom and dad). So "19something" is plenty specific enough for someone born in 2004. Of course. OSM. Thanks Daniel.

Another Goodbye

It's not been that long since saying goodbye to my Grandpa. But sadly, and also with some relief for her sake, Grandma didn't have much more time than he did. I am glad that she didn't have to live in her room for years not knowing or remembering anyone. But I am full of sadness for my parents - for my mom losing both her parents this year. Because I think it's living without people that's truly hard. Grandma, today I had a cream-filled cupcake and thought of you. I think you made them too, way back when. I know I should have probably had a chocolate chip cookie, but there was this cupcake sitting there calling my name, so I made a coffee and said Happy Birthday to you, for what would have been 94 years. Thank you for everything your life has been, you did it so WELL.